Thursday, July 24, 2008

Hot/ Cold

After much experimenting, I have come to the conclusion that a freezing cold water shower has the same effect on a homo sapien as a boiling hot water shower.

A shower, after all, is just a shower.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

My quotable quote

I wish I had either a purpose in life or had no purpose in life. We all live too long for our own good 'cause we're either looking for a purpose or running away from a purpose.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Never do these

Bunch of things you should never do:

One - Have your pet watch Tom and Jerry with you. My dog decided it was absolutely ok to run straight into a wall after. He ended up hitting his nose against the wall pretty hard, and I am very glad that it did not change shape!
Two - Let your cat even LOOK at the newspaper when its open to the comic strip page. He WILL idolise and begin to think of himself as Garfield. And he will think it's ok to kick your dog off the table (wait a minute, how did your dog even get there?) and smack a spider dead just when you're about to put your food into your mouth.
Three - Forget to water your plants, and use the manure that has chemicals that will make it realise it wants to eat you.
Four - Forget to feed your fish. They will die.
Five - Take your pet snake with you to school/college/work, it might decide to eat your classmate/colleague's pet mouse.
Six - Introduce your cat to your fish, dog to your cat, snake to your mouse, frog to your moth, monkey to your banana shrub, garden to your rabbit, or worst - partner to all your pets.

The end of the world

India will know the end of the world is near when (no, not when they place a ball on the floor and it does not roll because of the death of the magnetic field, but when -)

~Sachin Tendulkar retires
~Amitabh Bachan stops appearing in any and every ad
~Ash is no longer beautiful
~A.R.Rahman cannot think of a variation tune for Airtel
~Lata and Asha stop being playback singers
~Shah Rukh Khan is no longer entertaining
~We win a formula one race
~When people in India realise that we won an F1 race (refer point above) 'cause they took their eyes off the cricket match

It'll mean the end of the world for us Indians, that's for sure!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Some things I wonder

Can stuffing a sock into someone's mouth to stop them snoring kill them?
How do you oil a dumb person's brains? 'Cause I think that might actually help.
Is there any calculation or theory I can count on wherein I whack a glass top table with a hockey stick and it doesn't shatter?
Can you fart mid intercourse?
Why DO birds wake up so early?
Will auto guys ever not argue for more money?
How do you make a pair of shoes that you can wear the left shoe on the right foot and vice versa? Maybe I need to have a serious conversation with the guy who made my mojris.
Why don't women's shoes come in size 8-9 easily? Or women's jeans in waist size twenty? Not like I need THOSE anymore, but when I did, shopping was even more torturous than it is now. Yeah, not all woman love shopping, some hate it.
How do I find myself a pair of shades that don't make me look blind or like a fly with compound eyes?
When will the sky fall on our heads?
Why can't stars just be shiny dots on a jet black curtain over your head throughout your life? What if they're not actually giant balls of gas millions of miles away? Everyone believes that just like they all believed that the earth was flat long ago. No, don't tell me things like - but now we have technology to tell us this this that. Have you gone to a star and seen it for yourself? The sun is the sun and not a star, plus you haven't been to it anyway. Fine, I believe that the moon's not made of cheese anymore, but see? It's gotta be concrete evidence like that. And no, I'm not 9 years old, but I can still ask those questions that I had then, they were superb questions. :P
Why don't trees walk around? I mean, show those vegetarians that its not different that they kill and eat things too, in fact sometimes they eat them without killing and cooking! It's all about being on the top of the food chain. We're omnivours. So don't preach to me that I should kill only plants and not animals. My being an animal lover has no connection. Will you sue a tiger 'cause he ate a deer? Or wait, another omnivoure - a bear for eating a fish?
Anyway, moving on, why does your funny bone produce a feeling much like an electric shock if you bang it to something rather than just hurting like the other, normal parts of your body?

These are all rhetoric... don't answer them. I take freedom of expression seriously - say the stupidest things! ;)


Mosquitos. I wonder if they ask themselves existentialist questions, ever. I'm curious to know if they know or wonder why they're born, what purpose they serve, etc. I should learn the language of the useless creatures and find out if they have any answer that makes any sense at all. I always ask - why do mosquitos exist? They're creatures that are better off extinct, but no! They've been alive since the dinosaurs were born. I'm just glad they're not as big still. Maybe they derive sadistic pleasure out of buzzing into our ears when we're fast asleep at night. Wait, some of you sleep next to people who snore, so maybe it doesn't make any difference to you when these insects decide - ho, lets go wake these stupid huge things that can't fly. They can't fly after us! What them blood sucking idiots don't realise is, we're bigger than they are, and we have two hands and we know how to perform the clapping action. Also, someone smart invented mosquito repellent. (Who was it? My GK sucks, so sue me!) So. Back to the most important question, especially when there's a power failure - why do mosquitos exist???


So, I've decided I wanna write funny. Not funny like - hallo vat is ur name, whr ur frm? or funny like holding a pen in my toes and writing or writing each word in an entirely different language like - vous ist bahut tumba beautiful, but hey, thats actually pretty funny. I mean, writing funny rather than sad. At least, give it a shot. There needs to be more smiles to go around. And I've only written morbid and depressing stuff until now, so may as well. I'll laugh, whether or not anyone else thinks I'm a riot! And also, its harder to write funny. Dude, Douglas Adams, Ogden Nash and that lot completely rock! :) Also, writing at four in the morning with your eyes itching when you've just woken up because these ideas were in your head and you simply had to write them down when you were on this roll 'cause they'd not be in your head anymore when you woke up the next morning is quite helpful. Oh, and the birds just woke up. I should sleep. I'm hungry. Ah well, maybe I should wait till 8 in the morning. I have work to go to, gasp! Should try not to fall asleep at my desk because I was trying to be funny in the middle of my sleep cycle. Ok then, goodnight! (good morning?)
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