There was a time

There was a time
When I could speak my mind
Say what I wanted, how I wanted
Knowing in my heart
That you wouldn't mind
That you would forgive me
If I said something wrong

Today I think twice before I speak
And when I say some things out loud
I wonder, should I not have said them
Did I hurt you?
Will you understand, forgive?
I always worry.
And I never get it right.

Today, I wonder, is there a barrier?
We share less, we meet less
We understand less of each other
We are too formal sometimes
A little uncomfortable

You still are close to my heart
I still care for you deeply
Although I show it very differently
I still hope you understand
I know you still care for me
And I know we are still friends.

Lecherous Eyes.

Lecherous eyes. They stare, they stare
No matter where I go
No matter what I wear
Unblinking, they follow, they follow.

If I retaliate, I provoke
Call to their anger
Until they'd make me choke
So I cower and away in fear.

Lecherous eyes. They stare, they stare
Now, no matter who I'm with
No matter if we glare.
Their minds are full of filth.

I want to escape,
Take cover under a law
Lest it lead to rape
Or, on me, feeling their dirty paw.

Lecherous eyes. They stare, they stare
No matter where I go
No matter what I wear
Unblinking, they follow, they follow.

Back To The Music

Yes, it's been a while since I listened my soul away to some good music. Pandora came to my rescue, and also a few good restaurants and bars in San Fran. I feed and grow on good music, I do. I know classic rock may be old school (ha - did you see what I just did there?) and adult alternative rock may be fading glory (it's so '80s-'90s, huh?) but I still relate to that kind of music most, know all the songs and sing along, particularly in an inebriated state. It's pretty fun, as you may all agree, more so if you've been out drinking with me.

So it's a new journey to new destinations with those sounds to soothe the ear and melt the heart.

Picture-taking

I like taking pictures. It's a lot of fun. I remember taking pictures in college, borrowing Gol's fancy camera to take photos so I could enter a photography competition. :) In the end I didn't enter the competition, but my friends wanted me to make a calendar of my photos. That didn't happen either.

Many years later:

A touch of inspiration and I've finally ventured out into the open with a few pictures. Nothing fancy, mind you. Just pictures. These have no people in them, and I start with this album because the pictures in it were taken at a breathtakingly beautiful forest, home to leopards right near Hyderabad. They were taken one misty morning in January when we drove to Narsapur forest. As the lingering mist melted to greet the sun, so did it reveal the colours of nature...

Hope you enjoy it! Keep an eye out for more! :)

Happiness?

Context: Debate with a friend on what happiness really is.

Cherry:

Happiness - what is it?
Some days, you're just low, how do you explain that? Or frustrated? Sure, happiness is in your hands, but don't the same things that make you happy sometimes also frustrate you at other times? Aren't there some things in your life that you wish were different? Some changes that you want to bring about? So when you answer 'Yes, I'm happy', isn't it because you choose to look at the things that make you happy and ignore other slight blemishes, if any? If you are happy with some of the BIG things in life that matter most to you, well, then, that's all you're going to look at :)

Me:

So one day I called my father and said, "Father! I'm completely devoid of motivation right now. I don't want to work! Do something. Give motivational speech!" :)

And so Daddy dearest says; "I don't know about motivational speech, but I'll tell you something I've learnt from my X years of work experience." We stopped to gawk and gasp at how many years of work experience he had had. Then he said, "No matter what it is you do as your work, you're compromising something. Either you don't love your work, but you're happy with all the things that doing "that work" allows you to do, or you love your work and you don't lead a luxurious life. Very few people can strike a pot of gold and get both. The thing is though, there are times that, with the very same thing, you will get frustrated, whatever the case be. You're bored with it, you find it monotonous, you find it irritating at one point, and yet at another point, you are thankful to have it. So, the best way to motivate yourself may be to look at all the good things you're getting out of your job. You thoroughly enjoy the trips that you're able to afford thanks to this job, right? So, it's giving you something you love. Now, choose whether this motivates you enough to work or not."

Magic words.

Putting that in theory, since happiness is a dynamic emotion, the same things can make you happy at one point and at other points, make you unhappy. That's either because you compare and measure the thing that made you happy to different things at different points or you look at it differently as you gain a different perspective each day. (Or you're just really moody :P).

Also, the grass is always greener on the other side. ALWAYS. Which is the biggest reason for unhappiness. And sure, you may wish that some things were different. But it also holds true that people fight for and get what they want if they want it badly enough - they go make the change they'd been wishing for. If you haven't fought to get it, then you're stuck looking at greener pastures. Deal with that, 'cause it's the choice you made. And well, the ability to compare really stabs happiness in the back sometimes, doesn't it? :)

Haven't had such random, yet exhilarating discussions in a while, so thought this deserves to be here!

That Control Plus F !

Irrelevant fact: I've made it a mission to read the newspaper everyday; even though my powers of retention may be questionable of late, so if you quiz me on the news, I'll draw a blank. I get a (read: zillion) free newspaper every morning at work, and yet I pay a newspaper man to fling a rolled up newspaper into my balcony every morning. Why? So that I feel guilty enough about having spent the money to buy it, and READ.

What this post is about:

And so it happened that when I was reading the newspaper on my way to work one fine day, an article caught my attention. Something I made a mental note to do, so the power of retention issue wasn't (as much of) a problem here. I put the paper away and got on with my daily work.

Then, I wanted to look for that article to make sure I remembered the date and time.

Scan, scan, scan.

Scan, scan, scan some more.

DAMN, I WISH I HAD CTRL+F !

After much hunting, I finally found what I was looking for.


But tell me this - has that happened to you? When you read off a paper, books, and/or other hard copies? Particularly when your job involves one little click of the mouse or buzz of fingers over the keyboard and voila, there's the answer floating right in front of your eyes?! Just like magic. You want to be computer about everything you do. That's 'cause life's easy on the computer! Swell.

Of late, I've begun to feel like my brain has stopped functioning properly. (Remember my earlier mention of powers of retention?). Why do you think that is? Simply because my brain doesn't really have to make the effort. At all. I could relate to this Abtruse Goose comic - very strongly. Machines and devices get faster, we get slower. I think of the Terminator movie series. (One of the things I still remember because it's long lodged in my long term memory). And then of predictions of the world ending on 2012.

Maybe it's time to do something when you get to the point where you feel like you need THAT CONTROL PLUS F !

Only You.

Only you

Can catch my eye in a crowd
Holding me captive for those seconds

Say you have two left feet
So you can watch me dance

Are up for a holiday no matter when
And wake me up to watch the sunrise

Hold my hand to cross the road
Or just like that

Can look at me smiling
And know I'm troubled

Listen to my rants and complaints
Then tell me the funniest thing

Make me feel like there's so much I can do
But also that there's so much I don't know

See my talent, see yours
And blend it together in fun

Only you.